By Grandpa Eli
You know what’s strange and sad?
Many people who were hurt as children end up hurting their own children—even when they promised themselves they’d never do it.
You’d think that someone who knew the pain of being screamed at, ignored, beaten, or constantly criticized would never want their kids to feel that way.
But the truth is: hurt people often hurt people.
And the cycle goes on—unless someone brave decides to stop it.
If you’re reading this, maybe that someone is you.
Why Do We Repeat What Hurt Us?
As a professor of human behavior, I’ve spent a lifetime studying this. And as Grandpa Eli, a friend to all children, I’ve spent even more time just listening. Here’s what I’ve learned:
🪞 We learn by watching.
When we’re little, we soak up everything—especially how our parents behave. That becomes our idea of “normal,” even if it was harmful. That’s called modeling.
🤷♂️ Sometimes, we just don’t know better.
If no one ever taught us what gentle, respectful parenting looks like, how are we supposed to do it? Many people don’t realize their childhood wasn’t normal until they see how others live.
💣 Abuse is powerful.
It doesn’t just bruise the skin—it warps the way we think. It can make us believe we’re unlovable, weak, or out of control. Those beliefs can creep into how we parent, too.
But You Know What? You Can Stop It.
No, you can’t rewrite your past.
But you can refuse to pass it on.
You are not doomed to repeat what was done to you.
You’re not stuck. You’re not broken beyond repair.
You may be tired, triggered, overwhelmed—but you are not powerless.
The cycle breaks when a parent says:
“This stops with me.”
How to Begin the Healing
🌱 Start by looking back—with courage.
Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. Pretending doesn’t heal anything.
Instead, say: “Yes, that hurt me. That shaped me. But it does not own me.”
🛠 Learn new tools.
If no one ever taught you how to calm down without yelling, or how to set boundaries without shame, that’s okay. Parenting is a skill. You can learn it, just like cooking or riding a bike.
🧠 Understand your triggers.
Maybe your child’s whining makes your blood boil because no one ever allowed you to express your needs. Recognizing the link is the first step to undoing it.
💬 Talk to someone.
A therapist, a support group, or even just a trusted friend who understands. You’re not weak for asking for help. You’re wise.
❤️ Forgive the past—but not always the people.
You don’t have to forget. You don’t have to excuse it.
But you can stop carrying it around like a backpack of stones.
One Day, Your Child Will Thank You
Not because you were perfect.
But because you were different.
Because when your hands felt like forming a fist, you paused.
Because when your voice wanted to scream, you chose to breathe.
Because you saw the storm coming—and built a shelter instead of another storm.
You are breaking the cycle.
That’s the most powerful kind of love.
With warmth in every wrinkle,
Grandpa Eli
🧣 The friend who shows up when your heart needs someone to listen.